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Dreamt of bro [Sep. 29th, 2016|10:15 am]

Dreamt of Bro last night..

I remembered him as lying on the floor, gone..

I tried my best to resuscitate him and he came back around.. So happy and relieved that I wrapped my hands around him tightly and told him I'm not losing him.. I still have a lot to tell him..

Feels so good to hug him once again.
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Day out with my Bro's Friend... [Jan. 24th, 2016|11:07 pm]
Despite all the bad things that has happened to me... Amid all the stress I had to deal with...

It's being a memorable day out with one of my brother's Friend, Jermaine, whom my bother regarded her as an elder Sister kind of friend.
We went to visit my Brother and she even baked pineapple tarts for him.

She's a bubbly and straight forward gal.. From all the little bits of information she chatted about my Brother, I can really imagine my brother's face and all his silly smiles and laughters... all his nervousness and sweaty palms..

Although I managed to control my tears, I cannot stop the emotional outpour in my heart.

My brother is still with me and I'm still always so proud of him.
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Lucky me [Aug. 14th, 2015|01:26 am]
Post op 7 weeks and my fingers are almost touching my shoulders now.. Straightening is still a problem..

And... I had a bad sprain on my foot last Wednesday.. Was out discussing house renovation and Yc didn't want me to drive to town, so we had to take a cab back late. It was dark and I happen to receive messages from my colleague.. Sigh.. Apparently, my colleague had a wrong conception of something and I had wanted to clarify it.. And there was this sloping side where the pavement meets the road.. And my left foot landed on it and I nearly fell.

I'm considered lucky because I did not fall.

I'm considered even lucky because if I had just missed by one or two centimetres, I think my fifth metatarsal bone might be fractured and I would have needed another operation.

Anyway, I couldn't walk. The next morning, I still couldn't walk. I could barely apply any weight on it. Even hoping hurts terribly.

The first doctor I saw did an examination and concluded there should not be any fracture but kiv x ray. So I spend the long national day sg50 weekend mostly lying down at home.. By Tuesday, I'm good to walk but there's still a bit of pain and I was worried there is a dislocation because there was some protruding lump.

I intended to go for some tcm to re-adjust it if it was the case. So I went to take an x ray. Turns out joint alignment is fine but there was an undisplaced fracture at the base of the fifth bone.

Went to see another doctor ( the first's clinic was close) and he couldn't even see the crack. So I was advised to rest and minimize walking and to put on a guard.

Me, being an itchy backside, went back to my company clinic (long story.. I thought my company provided free x ray nearby end up they sent me to town area which was too far and So I went to a nearby hospital to take an x ray on my own.. And I thought I had to tell them I did x ray on my own and show them the report...), the doctor Also can't see anything and then just suggested me to go a n e.

Boo...... I don't want to go a n e.. Those doctors at a n e are not very well trained....... :( sorry but the other time I went they gave me a wrong treatment and hurt my arm a LOT).. They would still make me wait while I wait for consultant days or weeks later......

Geeesh.. I don't want to lose my feet but I really dread going back to hosp and hearing I have to do operation or whatever., I can walk now! Just that I have to minimize all activities for the next 4-6 weeks and walk at snail speed....!
There's so much less pain already.....

Call me stubborn... But I think my quality of life is much better off taking care of myself...

I'm wearing a guard already! And I drive to work so I already minimise do walking... And I already skip going to canteen for lunch.. See? O_o
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Amusing day feeling stunned like vegetable.. [Jul. 2nd, 2015|09:09 pm]
Lol.. I had to go base today for the opportunity to meetings and ask somethings..

The day began fine.. Had a great chat with the taxi uncle as usual.. He even showed me his karaoke pic..

Then later the day on the ship, as I was about to get off, one other uncle saw me and exclaimed, "Wah, you injured until like that still come to work, why no mc??!!?!"

"Uh... Money hard to earn haha", I rushed through my reply and headed up the stairs.. I totally do not know this guy, by the way.

Then I was stuck at the deck before I could get off the ship, then this same uncle came up and continued to chat with me..

"Aiyo.. Why so serious... Had a fall?... Must be your specs not thick enough...

.. Company is in amk? You stay there too? .. Blah blah.."

"You have Facebook?"

😅 my smile totally froze. Didn't know how to answer so I just said yes. "So you have one fb account too?"

And then he went on to say his name and describe his profile pic.

I was totally, totally .. Picturing myself hugging my stomach and laughing uncontrollably...

I wasn't laughing at him.. I was feeling so amused... Hahahahaha...

No idea what his intention was, anyway, the ship was given green light to alight so I just got off the ship... Not without him asking me what's my name. I didn't gave him my surname though, so it's quite not very highly likely possible he will be able to add me as a "friend". Hahahaha..

It's a happy day today.. Well he did make me laugh.. Thanks, uncle..
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Broken elbow [Jun. 29th, 2015|07:11 pm]
Oh boy.. Three weeks passed since I fell and broke my elbow.. And my full marathon is this coming Saturday! Boo...

I had an operation done last Thursday and the pain that lasted for more than a day was extremely awful. I had to cry and sob in the middle of the night for the nurse to see before she decides to give me an earlier dose of the painkiller.

The prof who did the surgery for me? Mercilessly bend my elbow here and there while I can only whimper "pain pain pain pain pain..." He... simply best.. Nothing I can say..

Can't bend my elbow for less than 90 degrees for now and can't straighten fully too.. Hope all will be well for me..

I'll survive this.. For you bro.. I finally gone through similar surgery as you.. Sigh... Still missed you so much..
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Memories don't heal, they're just there [Jun. 5th, 2015|01:09 am]
Random ramblings...

At age 30, I still feel like I'm in my early 20s... Although now i think I'm a little less shy... A little bolder.. A little more merciless.. I'm glad I have a body that is still fit.

Keep reminding myself to loosen up a little on things.. I've learned to be more accepting on my own flaws..

Despite been wiser and learning how to treasure, I feel sad at every moment because I'm so concious of every second slipping by and I know I will miss every bit of that image that is now permanently stored in my brain.

Sometimes I wished I'm not married in the sense that I can be free of such a burden..

Memories don't heal, they are just always there.. They're always so fresh on my mind.. Time doesn't seem to age it, not even a little..
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(no subject) [Apr. 5th, 2015|08:14 pm]
Had one of the most enjoyable moments of my life when Yc and I went to the states..

What are the odds of having Yc going to Nashville for a conference and being at the same time where km is having a less busy month where she can afford to take a break?

I was not too busy with my project either (am now, immediately after I came back, I'm hounded by a rather u reasonable project manager)..

It was really, really a good timing.. And I only learnt and familiarise myself with geography when I'm there and know from km that sun jue quite far on the west. Actually, I kind of regret I never got to send her off that time because my parents were pretty strict not to let me go out on odd hours. Was a long story that time. Glad that she had two kids and a happy life now; I wished I would have the chance to meet her in the future, who knows.

I didn't even have much time to type in my journal right after I came back.. Even had to work on public holidays and weekends at home..

:D Short of time, but I had to jot down somewhere.. At least I have the pictures and memories to keep for the rest of my life.

May need to fly to italy for work next week.. Have so much to do right now..

I missed km.. I didn't know I could cry when I was flying off from Kentucky.. I did not manage to chat as much as I expected with km, but I just indulged with the company of hers. Sometimes a hug beats a thousand words.. I wished i could teleport anywhere so that I can see her often..

Thanks km and dan for showing us the other side of the world.. I'm so happy you guys have a cosy home, happily cooking for each other with lego and arwan staring in the background. Haha.. Missed you both and hope to see you guys soon. :)
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Pantry granny [Mar. 31st, 2015|09:39 am]
Today I went down to level 4 to get coffee from the pantry granny, who has been working for many many years.

Ever since we moved to the new office building, it was more difficult to access the pantry that granny was in, so my daily routine to get coffee was reduced to a seldom routine.

So granny saw me, she made me wait after I finished getting her freshly brewed coffee. She went to make cups of tea for the bosses and went to distribute them. Ten, fifteen minutes later, she came back and ask me to eat biscuits.. I remind her I had my aligners, very difficult to chew.

Then, she asked me to share a cup of Tom yam noodles with her. Haha..

She further surprised me by adding more rice noodles and fish cakes.

I'm so full now. :)

I would missed her dearly when her employment ends this year..(she's very old, her ic only stated her approximate birth year, so she should be in her middle 80s now). I would probably have to go to her house to visit her instead.
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coming home.. [Feb. 3rd, 2015|01:00 am]
I couldn't really sleep easy when I'm back home.. I just simply miss my bro from the moment I lie on my bed.

Missed his smiles, missed his anger.. Missed his voice.. Everything..
There are just too many regrets of stuffs I never admit to him.

Admit that he is always one of a kind. Admit that he's smart and I can never catch up to him. He's always doing his best while I'm doing my best to catch to him.

He won so many awards in school.. he was always commited and responsible to his work.

He has so many strong points.

Bottom line is, I am so so so proud of my brother. And I never told him that.

I regret it. Deeply regret it.

I couldn't even recall when I first saw you. You were just there. What were you doing when I'm just a baby? I know you always took care of me when I was young.

I never regret being the one asked to be the thief while you are the police. I had fun and that was all that matters. I never told you how much I enjoyed watching you play the games I couldn't play. I would just sit there hours watching you play sega or pc games.
Some of the games I like to play or am still playing are all your favorite games. I forget sometimes and wanted to message you about new game releases coming up. In the end i would tell all my friends who liked to play games enthusiastically. I keep our interests alive.

I don't ever know when my tears are going to stop. It's totally not about me not letting go. I just need to feel alive thinking about you.

I know you know I cared so much. It matters so much to me.

Just from time to time, I need to feel so, so alive just to keep me going until the end.
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Dreams [Jan. 13th, 2015|10:45 am]
Had dreamt of my bro right before I went to visit him the other day.. Couldn't recall what he had told me after I woke up.. :/

Then, I had a bad dream yesterday night. Dreamt that one of my good friends had cancer and had only just given birth to a young daughter. Had cried so hard whilst holding her hand.. Why my dreams are all so sad at night..

The other day I realised that my taste and preference in everything had changed so much.. Couldn't believe the fact that I'm into my thirties.. When I describe to people about other women, I would say, "that lady looks young, maybe in the thirties", while conciously thinking that that lady is obviously at least a decade older than me. Then I realised, oh.

Working while I'm lj-ing away... Obviously not working as hard as my age..

Take care peeps..
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